I assume you see no activity at all in iServer when xAPFlash tries to connect eg a logon/password fail or anything ?
You shouldn't have had to change the port for iServer from 9996 in config.xml or xapconfig.xml - what is it now ? You do need to alter the IP and I assume you checked both of these files and in which did you alter it ?
Could you temporarily just disable the firewall and see if that fixes it and if so we can focus on that.
Make sure the following are allowed
Process Port Type Usage
iServer & Flash 9996 TCP Used for connection of the Flash application to the iServer
iServer 3639 UDP xAP Broadcast port
iServer & Flash 843 TCP Adobe socket policy server